In almost every couple’s life, there comes a time when sex stops being as fun as it used to be.
Most of the time, this is an indicator of a relationship falling into a routine. You may always use the same positions, instigate sex at the same time of day, and so on. Other times, your sexual desire may depend on your feelings or other things going on in your life.
Either way, the solution to this problem is simple: spicing up your sex life. The main thing you should focus on is bringing playfulness back into the relationship.
Here are some ideas that will help you get there!
Add a Little Danger
At times, even thinking about quickies and other high-thrill sexual acts can be a turn-on. Actually going through with them can be a great way to spice up your sex life. On top of being an erotic memory, they can serve as a bonding experience.
If you feel like giving danger a try, decide whether this will be a one-off or a regular thing. Also, it’s best to stay away from things that you’d only do as a challenge. Find something that’s a genuine turn-on for both of you.
Send Flirty Messages
This one’s a classic—and for good reason. Playful texting adds a whole new element of novelty to your everyday communication. Sexual interests change over time, and having a special space to explore these can make every day more exciting.
For best results, consider using a separate app for all your flirty messaging needs. Imagine being at work and suddenly receiving a message on your secret app. You know what it is, so the only question is will you look at it right away or leave it for later?
Share Your Fantasies
Before you start spicing things up in the bedroom, have a talk with your partner about how to do it. Many people think “spicing things up” is a code for having an orgy. For others, it can mean something as simple as experimenting with foreplay.
Keep in mind that people can feel embarrassed about sharing their fantasies. If what they’re suggesting isn’t doing anything for you, don’t get flustered over it. Make sure to share your fantasies in a safe space, possibly over a glass of wine.
Use Sex Toys
Erotic accessories are another thing you should discuss with your partner first. A sexy surprise can work, but only if you’re completely sure that it will be well-received. Your options include everything from blindfolds to sex ramps.
You should also look sex toys up online, as some of them might not do what you think. For example, using a dildo is very different than using a vibrator. If you’re not sure which dildo is the right fit for your needs, The Hot Spot has more information.
Mix up Your Date Nights
A date night is welcome in any relationship, whether it’s planned or spontaneous. In long relationships, though, date nights tend to fall into a routine as well. If you’re tired of arriving and leaving places together, consider mixing it up a bit.
For instance, why not have your partner wait for you at a hotel? Once you open the door, you’ll see a blank canvas that could lead you anywhere. If you’re stuck at home, you can do something light such as dimming the lights and making cocktails.
Explore Each Other’s Bodies
Body exploration can be a fun activity for couples—especially if you haven’t done it before! Light a few candles, put on relaxing music, and spend about 20 minutes focusing on each other’s bodies. This can bring out a whole host of sensations you were unaware of.
While you’re touching your partner, keep changing the amount of pressure. You can explore every part of their body with your hands, but you can also use silk, oils, or feathers. Experimenting with your approach can be both sensual and pleasurable.
Test New Positions
When it comes to sex positions, you’ll want to spice up the bedroom every once in a while. Many couples use three or fewer positions, which is a surefire recipe for boredom.
Some ideas include focusing only on oral sex or using mirrors, chairs, and so on. This is another idea where you should both be on the same page. Without putting in the effort, it’s far too easy to slip into your usual routine or lazy, boring sex.
Engaging in erotic role-play has long been a staple of kinky sex ideas. Think of it as a vacation from your everyday life without going anywhere. This is a chance to live out a long-held fantasy or be sexual in a way that’s different from your usual persona.
That said, role-playing can be awkward if you’re not committed to it. Before you do anything, find common interests and negotiate roles with your partner. You should also establish boundaries, such as safe words that act as soft and hard limits.
Work on Your Relationship
Unfortunately, none of the above tips will help if your relationship is in a bad place. Relationship satisfaction is the number one predictor of sexual satisfaction. If your intimacy and communication seem to be drifting, working on those should be a priority.
One thing to keep in mind is that you and your partner are separate people. Doing everything together can be a lot of fun at first, but it may start to grate after a while. If you’re finishing each other’s sentences, consider creating some space for yourself.
More on Spicing up Your Sex Life
As you can see, you have plenty of options for spicing up your sex life. Find something that works for both of you and go for it!
One final tip: don’t assume that scheduling and spontaneity don’t go together. If you plan out a sexy session, looking forward to it can be a pleasure unto itself. Plus, this gives you more time to reflect on the best way to approach things.
Want to know more about how to have better sex? Interested in learning the various ways you can turn on your partner? Keep reading our Dating & Relationship section!